Yogurt

Fruit on the bottom
..... reminds me of a quote that I read.... came on my bed with the sourness of disappointment...
then the little magnet said....
"Just when the cateppilar thought the world was over.... HE BECAME A BUTTERFLY"....
hehehehehehe..... mwuahahaha... ;)

Disliking Biology

Ilooked up from my biology lab notebook and realized a sudden sadness that was lingering around me. The past six hours spent... trying to finish my lab notebook had left me with a cramp in my hand and a growling in my tummy. No one had called... no ne had knowcked on the door.... or yelled my name from the window... the sun had set and I was writing with the light from my computer screen. I needed to get out and find some evidence of life. Six hours of silence between my notebook and me had been enough. I was seriously meditating on simply failing the class... allowing myself the luxury to go beyond procrastination... into total acceptance of failure. Like all my science classes.. I had hated Biology 2108 with a passion... difference was that this time I was failing the class. I had always somehow mustered a way to pass... regardless of the lies I had to memorize and forcefully agree with to my teachers. Evolution... a concept constatly changing... they call it "self-correcting"... I call it "self-defeating". A completely useless theory... a simple similarity never truly calls for a connection. Especially when its fundemental basis is completely illogical and defied by every complexity of life. The day that science will think they found an answer to explain the replication of DNA and all its complexities.. they will only have the merit to call it a "theory"... and the mass of people will cheer to a speculaion... which does not solve any problems of life...

I do not [heart] procrastination....

Questions... no answers...
The food I enjoyed... bad taste left in my mouth
Stomach ache...Tylenol for cramps... now drowsiness
Napped for 2 hours... now tired again
Clean room... cluttered thoughts
Nails painted... now bitten off
Fresh cool shower... sweat sticks my clothes
Books upon books... met with no attention
Sidetracked with blogger... tv-shows ...bhajans... and prasadam
One of the evil vices of men.... PROCRASTINATION....

Staying up Late

The numbers on the clock were blazing in lime green, bright enough that " 2:49 am " continued to haunt me.. in a ghostly flash, with every blink of my eyes. Two thirty-nine.. that meant one hour of sleep before I had to wake up for mangala arati. I would finish dressing Radha Madhana- Mohana and cleaning the pujari by 8 am. That meant half an hour to create a PowerPoint for the Biology plant hormone presentation at 9 am. And twenty four hours to begin my 20 page research paper due the next day... five sources... twenty pages.. twenty-four hours... ten minute presentation... thirty minutes... one hour of sleep...
It was "3:00 am " when the tears dropped to my hands and I realized that I had been sitting on the floor... against the wall for too long... eleven minutes wasted... 50 minutes of sleep. Although I was crying, Krsna was still smiling on the wall... his face unlit by the small bedside lamp... i could only catch those beautiful smiling lips... reddened eyes glancing with intensity. Radharani was shining... her complexion defeated the darkness in the room... and her smile was even more beautiful. I walked over to the poster.... right underneath it I had placed The Nectar of Devotion. I sat on the bed... let the pages flip through my hand. The breeze cooled the hot tears dragged on my face. The book smelled like sandalwood... it had spent 6 years next to my father's altar... I flipped the pages again... letting the aroma cool my mind... I flipped it one more time... "My dear guru maharaj... please instruct me..." The abrupt stop landed me on the page entitled "Fraternal Loving Affairs"... a topic which I loved to hear about.

" 'When one of Your friends was feeling much separation from You, there were tears covering his lotus eyes, so the black drones of sleep became discouraged from entering his eyes and left that place.'... in other words, because he was too much afflicted, his eyes were full of tears, and he could not sleep. This is an example of staying up at night because of separation from Krsna."

- Srila Prabhupada; The Nectar of Devotion

As a smile began to spread across my left cheek... the book now closed... 40 minutes of sleep became frivolous again... I sank into my pillow... smirking, "How many people can say they have to get up early to help God get dressed in the morning?"

Sure to Smile Again

Easier to share joy and hide pain,
but silence has nothing to gain.
While hurt runs deep,
there is no hope too weak...
to withstand each blow....
a soul eternal must know,
and "no worry" says love...
"...patience is my friend,
and since time has no end
you are sure to smile again."

how did I end up here...

I got this profiel last year.... made one blog... forgot my password.. and then became too lazy to request the new password...
i just really wanted to let my friend know i care about her blog and i am damn sure gonna keep up with it.... so i had to make a comment.. too lazy to start a new account.. did a little prayer.. and the password i guessed was right... "thanx Krsna :)"
Anyway....she's not a firend.. but a sister... and i think its awesome she has a blog... she was always the sis that i wondered.. "what is she doing at this exact moment"... she also is great at smiling while things are not so smoothe on the inside...sooo... I'm glad i can eavesdrop on her mind and get some refreshing "I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE" relief every now and then... or... "OOOOOh sooo thats why she is down.. or happy... or not here... etc etc." I hope she doesn't think she is a lone... being an only child- it think its easier for her to feel like she has to deal with life a lone... I wish she would know I was here for her ... and that I need her too....

Ponder and I wonderrrrr

It's always about 11 o'clock at night that I start to wonder.... am I ever going to be truly satified with my life.
I guess most people would be happy with the things I have... a mom n dad who love me...
a sister who fights with me but turns around is laughing with me the next moment...
best friends who share your beliefs and love you no matter how much you let yourself go...
a fufilling spiritual life...
a free college education...
enough clothes to last me 3 months without doing laundry....
i live in a country that has 911... and women's rights....
i've lived internationally...
i have an exotic latin boyfriend who would give the world for me....
not too skinny not too "thick".... good hair... good smile...
and a whole lot of other "American Dream" ish....
Soooo I guess now comes the part where I start giving you the ugly underside.... sad to say- I don't have one.
Most people blog because they either have a great life we all want or that sad unfufilled life that makes juicy TV drama.... well sorry to say- I'm just an everyday girl.. yep- it doesn't get any more normal than me...
Still, just as unsatified with life as anyone else... So here I am ... wondering about life...as most people in the US Eastern time zone are doing in their beds- or on their computers- or in front of their TVs... whatever
how can I get what I want... and if I get it.. will I really be happy?